So,as you guys know,i did mention in my previous post that I was going to make this birthday rant.

WARNING : "Negativity fills the post"

I have no idea when it started but what i feel about birthdays nowadays are......that they are meaningless to the "birthday" person and one shouldn't even bother celebrating it.I think I might need a professional psychiatrist to out me out of this whole bad impression.
Look,i just dissed the whole birthday thing on my birthday.get it?:/

Okay the reason i find birthdays more and more redundant and I seem rather normal or even looking down on it is probably because of my pass 15 birthdays' experiences.


1st.
In my family,celebrating our birthdays is just having a "heavenly" good meal and cake with candles to blow it off and make a wish (never) come true.Ever since young,I got influence by the media and friends around me that my family's version of birthdays were rather simple.It did made me have the urge to really want fanciful parties,manymany birthday presents and to be treated like a princess on that special day,just like my other friends.However,like i said,wishes never come true.So I slowly stop wishing and having the desires of wanting "a blast" at my birthday.So you people,stop wishing for me to have a blast on my birthday.It is a null wish.

2nd
When i was in primary school,my friends wanted to help me fulfill my wishes stated in my 1st reasons and they really went through so much for me in order to make that day special for me.As my family never fancied having birthday parties,one of my friends even went to the extent of organizing one for me at her home.I was so touched and it really left a deep impression on me.Thanks limying!If you still remember me!heheh.
My other friends did went through all that trouble to find me an ideal gift and some spent quite a lot on me which i really appreciated!Yet as much as i love receiving gifts,like who doesn't(?),I also felt bad that my friends actually did all this just for me.So again,I grew reluctant to receive presents because I didn't want to feel bad for receiving them and also,i didn't want my friends to brood over the gift matters.This reluctance in me was much more overwhelming than the happiness of wanting to receive gifts,therefore now,whenever people give me presents,I will just stress over it.not kidding.

3rd
My parent's effective propaganda.
Whenever I brought those gifts i receive home,my parents will shoot me with that "WHAT ARE THOSE?!?!!" look.It was as if I brought dead bodies home because i had to hid it from them.They seemed like they couldn't accept my friends giving me gift and often give me that painful look.tsk-.-
Furthermore,I come from a well to do family(not fucking bragging),so whenever my parent see those gifts,they will say :"Why your friend give you presents?" " Don't trouble them to buy presents,you can afford anything you want,so don't make them buy it for you."
Then i will feel so guilty for receiving the gifts and also frustrated because,I COULD NOT FUCKING AFFORD THE GIFTS IF I WANT TO,because i am not that rich like you thought i was.I get the same allowance or even lesser than my peers can?Why the fuck do you think i am loaded?Is it because you have $$$$$ then you think I,as your daughter,will magically have them too?like wtf. (sorry if you guy find this offensive to my parents)
Sometimes,i just wish i never lived in a landed property because i get "stereotyped" as rich.I am not.fuck you if you think i am.

4th
When I went on to secondary school,the birthday thing was even more prominent.I don't wanna talk about why it was so because I guess most of you would understand?
But there was also an occasion where i was again,super touched by my friends paying a visit to me on my birthday when i was sick.I can't thank them enough.Action speak louder than words;they really showed me the true meaning of it.
However when i was in secondary school,i had this group i was kinda close to at first,not going to name,we usually celebrate one another's birthday.I did attend almost all of them and fork out quite a sum to buy cakes and treat dinner to that birthday boy or girl.However,when it was my birthday...............NOTHING HAPPENED.I was really disappointed about it and really tried not to even think about it as though it would affect me much.However it did and i must say it was a bad memory i had and that whole thing really did scarred me.Guess it also contributed to why I didn't want to hope or wish so much for my birthday to be celebrated because the more you wish for,the more you get hurt in the process.Blame it all for my wishful thinking.

5th
Recently,my family did fall apart a little due to my mother's condition.My house is filled with her negativity which is getting into me.It might sound like a joke to you but my mother is going through menopause now.By that,i don't mean like the usual joking PMS we play around with one another but the real shit.She is suffering from it and everyday she just sounds more and more like a broken tape recorder.
You ask her a question,she replies with tons of how painful she has been.My family can't even have guest coming to our house now because my mother feels troubled by them,even my tuition teacher can only come at the times when she not at home.My mother also shows us the heck care attitude and scolds us even more horribly if we were to disturb her or stress her out with our problems.Her scoldings were counted the most scary among my aunt and uncles.My siblings and I also rarely or i could even say,NEVER share with my parents about our problems at all.that's so personal.ouch.
Her pms is really affecting my whole family but because i am a strong asian,I can handle it without even killing myself.ha.
So my upcoming birthday,in fact,today-.- is really enough for me and i am kinda tired to give fuck about it now.It is mundane.just like any other days.

6th
I found myself agreeing with this tweet my friend posted.

Look at my wallpaper:D

I have no idea when but i stop liking to eat birthday cakes,not because it is fattening if you thought i was vain,but just not having the liking to want to eat them.
Then the candles part,what my friend said plus all the stupid wishes that won't come true....
-
There you have it.All in all,these were the few out of the many more reasons that having birthdays is not a big deal.Oh,not to forget,actually looking at birthdays from another perspective,birthdays are actually the day that our mothers had the most horrible time of their lives while WE happened.So birthday can be said as a day to express your gratitude towards your mother and your father............'s sperm.LOLWHUT.
Then again,from my 3rd and 5th reason,if you are dense enough not to see that i actually do not have a happy and loving family,i would rather skip that "thank you" part for my parents on this pathetic day.
-
__________ birthday to myself.
May the rest of you have a better and brighter day after reading this and have fun!
After saying all this,I will still celebrate my days and look forward to those presents?
Hopefully,the next post it much more positive!

I am going to catch this movie tmr!Release on my birthday leh!so special!(contradict)





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